Thursday, March 24, 2005
lurving you forever and ever*
haiz...yesterday in school...was like daydreaming in class the whole day..didnt noe what was going on..it's like my mind was whirling round and round...yesterday we chinese oral during chinese lesson time and not after school..hahas...was like scary because teacher ask us about relationship thingy...after I have finished, me and my frens went over to 3e3's class and saw alot soft toys..man!!!!it looks like a nursery room but very cute..everyone put their names on a card and it says the old and the new...interesting!!!!!!!!now im listening to song...haiz...i dunno why whenever i wanna concentrate...the image of him will appear on my mind....someone tell me what to do...i really wanna let him go...but i also love him alot....i wanna tell him how much i wanna be with him...normal people just think "aiya.....time will heal..."..but no..its not like that...i really really love him alot...i wanna be there for him..i wanna care for him..i wanna tok to him like last time..but seems to him...we have communication problem...we cant tok to each other like the same...i wish he could tok to me once again...i wish we could know each other once again and start all over again as friends like how we used to be...i really want to..but...i really miss him...that time he was at field...i looked at him...but i could no longer catch him...i wanna say hi to him but i couldnt face him...i wanna t0k to him...i really want to.......i really miss you...i really miss the smiles you gave to me when you scare me,when you cheer me up...i really miss those days...like what mr ong says...i could only be ur fren...but i really miss you....haiz...i wanna be by ur side...but i could only stand at a corner and peek at you...i couldnt tok to you anymore...nvm..i try carry on with life instead...
i wont look back anymore. it just aint worth my time*
Sunday, March 20, 2005
lurving you forever and ever*
tOdAe i wOkE uP...tHe fIrSt tHiNg i tOt oF wAs wHaT aM i gOiNg tO dO fOr tHe rEsT oF mY yEaR..fAiLiNg tEsTs bEcAuSe i cOulDnT cOnCeNtRaTe???hAiZ....nOnOnO...!!!!iM nT bOrN tO bE tHiS wAy...iM bOrN tO bE aMbItIoUs...tO aChIeVe wHaT i wAnT tO gEt...bUt nOw eVeryThInG aBt hIm fIlLeD mY hEaRt...hAiZ...aLl i cAn tHiNk oF iS tO sEe hIm hApPy...hOpE hE wOnT bE mIsErAbLe...wHaT rUbBiSh???wHy aM i lIdAt???wHy cAnT i bE hApPy nO mAtTeR hW hArD i tRiEd tO...i wAnNa bE wItH hIm bUt hE wOnT bE hApPy...i wAn mYsElF tO bE hApPy bUt wIlL i???mY fReNs tReAtEd mE vErY welL...bUt i jUsT cOuLdNt fOrGeT tHe gUy wHoM i uSeD tO lOvE sO mUcH eVeN uNtIl nOw..wHaT can i dO???i wAnNa carrY oN wItH lIfE...bUt i wAnNa rMb hIm...i rEaLlY wAnT tO...sOmEtImEs i hOpE hE cOuLd sEe mY bLoG aNd tElL mE oFf..wHaTeVeR hE fEeLs aBt mE???bUt wHeN wIlL hE sEe aNd tElL mE oFf???wIlL hE rEad mY bLoG?????hAiZ...rEaLlY wAnNa nOe hIs iNnER fEeLiNgS oF tHE iRrItAtInG mE....
i wont look back anymore. it just aint worth my time*
Friday, March 18, 2005
lurving you forever and ever*
Im really stressed..my parents are scolding me everyday...they say Im lazy..they say my friends are just slackers..useless people...why?why cant I have friends to hang out with?I really wish I could tell them I could no longer be the stef I used to be...the cheerful old stef...things have change as time passes by...I wished I was not born into this world...My parents dont understand me...my mom?Always finding problems to argue with me without knowing whats happening to me...and then my dad?comes in and scold me because I argued with my mom...I have to pass my every exam....up to their expectaions...I have to keep concentrating on my studies and volleyball...and on the other side I have to forget the memories I once had...This is driving me crazy...I dont wanna go home..I dont wanna go home when everyday I had quarrels with them...everyday say Im useless and very lazy...how would they know Im stressful except for my frens...I rmb when I do my fifth quiz..I cried..my tears made the quiz paper a hole...Mr Ang could see that Im stressed..but does my parents see that?they always think Im playing computer gamex and surfing the net toking to useless friends...without my friends...my body already will be in a coffin...Does my parents know I got chest pain so often?Does my parents know I cry in the room whenever I came back home and had to be cheerful when I come school?Does my parents know I have once liked a person so much that my motivation for going on has died?Does my parents know all these?All they do is blame and blame me.....I wished I could be sick...I really wish I could....I hope I could lie in the hospital hearing nothing...no scoldings or blaming of me...I wished I was not born.....I had to cheer my friends....my friends do cheer me up but it's useless..all I want is to see him toking to me again like a normal friend although I cant get his love anymore....All I wished is he would be there.....whenever Im sad..but will this happen?NO IT WOULDNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i wont look back anymore. it just aint worth my time*